Okay Folks. We are bidding 2017 adios. It was sweet for some bitter for a few, but mostly productive for us at Dopewope. We crossed the 10K mark on our page and looks like you guys have taken a pretty good liking for us. Thank you for all the love, likes, shares and comments. To celebrate a good year gone and an even better year ahead, we want to leave you guys with a roundup of the best tweets. Funny, outrageous and some extremely bizarre ones. But they are the best there are on Twitter, so go ahead and have a good laugh.
Day 1: Luckily the ship has enough food for 3 months. Longer if I ration well.
Day 2: I am out of food.
— keith (@tchrquotes) April 20, 2017
Me: my super power would be knowing all the languages. How cool to be able to speak to anyone in the world
Also me: please don't talk to me
— Angie B (@Angibangie) June 4, 2017
In college someone bet me $5 to chug the Papa John's garlic sauce which I was going to do anyway there's a sucker born every minute.
— Mike Peters (@mijamtweets) November 7, 2017
INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously?
ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier
INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?
— trev (@sploosk) August 5, 2015
You can’t truly call yourself an adult until you get really angry because they changed the layout of your favorite grocery store again.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 28, 2017
[At historic site]
Me: What’s the wifi password?
G: I meant about 19th century life.
M: Oh….Dost thou have thy password?
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) February 4, 2016
Child [standing at side of my bed]: I had a bad dream.
Me: Is it this? Are we in it? Because this seems like one.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 26, 2017
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it’s their mom saying “I have a computer question.”
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 26, 2017
My arm could be chopped off and I could be covering the wound with paper towels and my wife would be like, “Too many. You’re wasting them!”
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 28, 2017
*overheard from the other room
8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich?
Grandma: Did you finish your dinner?
Grandma: Just one then
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 17, 2017
Coworker: So how’d you get that scar?
Me [remembering falling out of my bunk freshman year]: Karate.
— Spence (@SpenceDen) December 14, 2017
Merry Christmas to everyone except the guy who wrote the instructions on how to put this trampoline together.
— Oaks (@OakHill_) December 25, 2017
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: morning honey, I made you coffee and toast
MARRIED 12 YEARS: need anything in the bathroom before I blow it up?
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 23, 2017
*Password looks at itself in the mirror*
“Don’t listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) October 16, 2017