A large part of the appeal of video games is escapism from the tedium of day-to-day life. Adults are constantly surrounded by so many douchebags all the time. Douchebags at work, in their family, and in their circle of friends (Yes, I’m talking about you, Rachit. I hate you, d*ckhead). So you’d think that video game worlds would all be douche-free zones, right?
Video games, like real life, is full of douche-nozzles trying to mess with you around every corner.
Pop your collars and get ready! Here are ten douchebag video game characters.
10. Blue Oak – Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow
Blue is the default name for your rival in the original Pokemon games. Snarky, overconfident, and competitive, he may be the textbook definition of a douchebag. He always puts you down and tries to prove that he’s a better Pokemon trainer than you. Also, he keeps threatening to smell you. This makes giving him the thorough ass-beating he deserves at the end of the game after you face the Elite Four incredibly satisfying.
9. Sonic the Hedgehog
Sonic the Hedgehog has an ego that’s bigger than Kanye’s. Sonic was cool in the beginning until Sega decided to give a voice. Since then all that comes out of his mouth is lame-ass cocky posturing about how great he is. Sonic is not cool and his later games weren’t even good. THERE, I said it. Ugh, shut up, you stupid blue rodent.
8. Bowser – Super Mario
Kidnapping might be a serious crime for someone normal, but for this giant turtle monster of the Super Mario franchise, it’s just a Wednesday. If this guy isn’t kidnapping Princess Peach, you can bet he’s plotting another way to be a huge douche. If something bad is going down in the Mushroom Kingdom, who’s behind it all is never a mystery.
7. Dan Hibiki – Street Fighter
Capcom Created Dan Hibiki as a joke character. Even his mere existence is a joke and I get it. He originated as a joke character based on Art of Fighting’s Ryo Sakazaki and Robert Garcia as a jab to SNK. His move set was bad by design. Despite sucking so badly, Dan still believes himself to be a great fighter; his ego is so huge that he tries to steal credit for other people’s actions. For instance, in Street Fighter IV, when he was rescued by Ryu and Sakura from an explosion, Dan says that it was his “awesome power” that saved everyone. He really is a jackass.
6. GLaDOS – Portal
How to put this delicately? GlaDOS, the disgruntled AI from Portal and Portal 2 has the personality of a cranky dingo with an inferiority complex. often sadistic. She has a dry, bitter, and sarcastic sense of humour; her jokes are usually dark, morbid, or even cruel. She seems to enjoy making manipulative comments that frighten the subject or undermine their self-esteem.
Also, read our video game twists article for the biggest reason GlaDOS is a douche (Spoilers!).
5. Psycho Mantis – Metal Gear Solid
The fight with Psycho Mantis is one of the most innovative fourth wall breaking boss battles in gaming history. This guy could predict what you would do by knowing exactly what buttons you were pressing. Not to mention he goes through your Playstation memory card like a jealous girlfriend and makes snarky comments about the games you’ve been playing. Thats right, he knows you’ve been playing Barbie: Explorer.
How do you make a video game around a character that is almost completely invulnerable. This is the reason Superman has never had a notable standalone video game release. He is however a playable character in the Injustice games, and he is a total jerk. He loses his sh*t and murders the Joker by shoving his fist through his chest. In the five year events of the game, he eliminates crime and war, but he does this by becoming a dictator. He ruthlessly kills anyone who opposes him. I kind of wish this was the plot of Batman v Superman.
3. Johnny Cage – Mortal Kombat
As a man, I can testify there are few things worse than getting hit in the nuts. You want to know why Johnny Cage from the Mortal Kombat games is a giant douche-monkey? Most of his move set consists of hitting people in the balls.
Have a look:
Need I say more?
2. The Dog – Duck Hunt
As a dog lover, I would never condone any sort of mistreatment of dogs. However, I would make an exception for this guy. Your retriever dog is supposed to be a faithful companion who’s always got your back. Not this mutt. If you don’t manage to shoot any ducks, this guy emerges from the grass and laughs at your failure. If you played Duck Hunt as a kid, I bet you tried to shoot the dog with your controller. I hate this jackass and his stupid smug face. That is all.
1. Anyone playing Call of Duty on Multiplayer
Have you ever seen the comments section on a Youtube video? Well, imagine that comments section woke up at 6 am on a Sunday morning, didn’t have its morning coffee, and then you killed its parents. That is how angry and toxic the voice chat on any given game of Call of Duty is. Enjoy the most abusive, racist, misogynistic, and homophobic talk you could ever have the misfortune to hear unless you happen to get stuck in an elevator with the current president of the United States.
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