The website GoFundMe is meant to be a means for people to crowdsource funds for the causes that matter most to them. The causes are generally legitimate, such as medical care or to rebuild homes destroyed in natural disasters. However, there are people who seek crowdsourced funds for the most ridiculous, selfish and otherwise crappy reason. I don’t care that you need a fifth Macbook Pro, scumbag. Tell me, why do you idiots deserve my money?

To Buy Dave Grohl

Frank Pain requested $35,000 to “purchase Dave Grohl.” Yes, he really means buy Dave Grohl, that’s right buy the dude from Foo Fighters and Nirvana: “I’m his biggest fan and figured I can round up enough scratch to purchase him so we can hang out and high five and s***,” he writes.

“If it is indeed illegal to purchase another human (or if Dave Grohl isn’t willing) then I’ll spend the money on beer because Dave seems like the kind of person that would want me to drink beer,”

Sound crazy? Maybe, but it just might work — this campaign has already raised nearly $2,000.

The Guy Who Will Die if the Internet Won’t Buy him a Treadmill

A dude named J Allen R Day needs a treadmill because he needs to run, and running in the winter is dangerous.

He writes:

“My dear friends and family, I am cold and weary. I need a treadmill. My son needs me to have a treadmill. My girlfriend needs me to have a treadmill. My employer needs me to have a treadmill. Without a treadmill, I will die.”

So much drama, man.

Yoga Teacher Training

There are many people on the site because they desperately need to become yoga teachers.

For example, check out this post:

“I am starting this campaign to help raise money for myself, so that I may start my journey into Yoga Teacher Training,” writes some guy named Brett, in a post for his campaign aptly titled “Get Brett to Yoga Teacher Training.”

But don’t worry — Brett’s not asking for $650 because he’s selfish. No, he needs the yoga teacher training because, as he puts it:

“This will provide me with the tools so that I can better serve each and every person in my life, and help guide them with positivity and light.”

Ah yes — “positivity and light.” Only $650!

A “Hair Advertising Video”

Check out this woman, Ayana The Diva, who on the same website where people are begging for funds to send a dying child to Disney World  is asking for the ridiculous sum of $2,000 to make her “very own advertising mini movie !!” for her “ #HairbyDIVA” campaign, which she never really explains but insists is “more than just a hashtag, it is a way of life.”

Money for a girl’s sister’s gap year, even though ‘she does not know exactly’ what she’s doing with it

As a graduation present, some girl is asking for money to give to fund her little sister’s gap year between high school and college — even though “she does not know where exactly she is going yet.”

(My guess: Nowhere.)

Money for a lady who decided that she did not want to leave New York City after her vacation was over

Khadijat Yussuff “came to NYC from Pittsburgh for what was supposed to be a two-week visit, and decided to stay and ride the wave of opportunity for the next several months before returning to university studies” — and needs you to give her hundreds of dollars.

FYI, there are lots of people out there who just would rather not have their vacations end, but they go back to their lives anyway. Why? Because they have to go work their jobs — and probably would rather spend that hard-earned money somewhere other than on you. People gave her $400 because the internet is stupid.

A New Couch For Elon Musk

Elon Musk is known to have dedicated fans who show a lot of support for him. When he complained about the couch he would sleep on pulling all nighters over the troubled manufacturing process for the Tesla Model 3. Fans felt so sorry for the multi-billionaire CEO of Tesla that a GoFundMe page was started to buy the man a more comfortable couch. He could just as easily go back to his home planet to relax. He doesn’t need to spend his nights at the office trying to build better cars for humanity.

He’s worth over 20 billion dollars, he doesn’t need your help, crazy people. Also, what makes it even more ridiculous is that this is definitely comprised mostly of broke kids that can’t afford to buy a Tesla.

Akhil was raised by movies, television, and the internet. A never-ending source of absolutely useless information. He would tell you more, but he was distracted by something shiny