American martial artist, actor, screenwriter and supreme God of the known universe, Chuck Norris, turns 78 this weekend. He became famous as a martial artist and even started his own school, Chun Kuk Do. Norris starred in a number of classic action movies, such as Way of the Dragon. He was The Cannon Group’s star in the 1980s. He played Cordell Walker in the action television series Walker, Texas Ranger from 1993 to 2001. However, today he is probably more famous for the facts about how tough he is. So let’s throwback to 2005 when facts about him took over the internet. I hope I don’t get any of these wrong. I don’t want to get round-house kicked in the face. Here are 30 insane Chuck Norris facts.
1. If Chuck Norris Was President of the United States
2. His Diet
3. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe air. He holds air hostage.
4. If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
5. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known as giraffes.
6. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
7. His workout routine
8. Norris vs Norris
9. How do you think these facts got on the internet?
10. When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
11. Chuck Norris sued NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
12. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
13. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
14. Chuck Norris’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2. No one fools Chuck Norris.
15.Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead, just afraid to move.
16. While learning CPR Chuck Norris brought the practice dummy to life.
17. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
18. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it!
19. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
22. Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
23. I mean, do you see any dragons?
24. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double… for crying scenes.
25. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
26.Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to red cross. Just not his own.
27. Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars. He was The Force.
28. When the president pushes a big red button, Chuck Norris’ cell phone rings.
29. If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?”, It replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
30. Oh God, he’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Happy Birthday, Chuck! You let us all live another year.
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